YM778.TV Chapter 284: Dozing III
Chapter 284: Dozing III
“Really? Honestly, it\'s so long and gets in the way. I want to cut it…”
“...No.”
――When she was a child, she was always by her sister\'s side.
Whether she went out for a quick errand or studied at home.
The reason she liked her the most out of her three sisters was simple.
The second and third sisters in between them would sometimes treat her cruelly because she would cling to them without thinking about the situation.
She had fond memories of them doting on her, and they were not bad people――It was just Elvena’s own issue.
However, it might have made many things even worse.
The second and third sisters were originally jealous of their sister, who looked like their beautiful mother, and Elvena, who had loved her, was also very attached to her.
Over the years, the two of them began to view their sister as their enemy.
Her father was born into the family of the village chief who had ruled Belius for generations, a wealthy village south of the royal capital, and her mother was the daughter of a merchant who had close ties to Belius. If you trace her lineage back, it seems she was of noble blood.
Perhaps because of that, she was beautiful and aged slowly.
Her older sister and Elvena were similar to their mother.
The second and third sisters had brown hair and resemble their father, and were still beautiful, but most guests who visited the house were captivated by her beauty and smiled.
On top of that, her older sister was also smart, and her manners were the perfect example of a young lady.
The two of them grew up being compared to their older sister――it was no wonder they disliked her, Elvena thought.
Her older sister was skillful at changing her demeanor, and was usually cheerful.
Although she had a rough personality and didn\'t pay attention to small details, she took on the face of a young lady when guests came over.
The second and third sisters looked down on their older sister, who could change with a single moment, a gentle smile on her face, attentive to even the smallest details, and.
Elvena simply admired her, thinking she was amazing.
It must have been an admiration at the time.
She looked at her sister as an ideal being, as the person she wanted to become in the future.
To put it dramatically, it was like the reverence one has for a god.
She didn\'t see her sister as a person, she thought her sister was that kind of being.
So when she heard that her sister was leaving home and treated her coldly, it felt like the end of the world.
Elvena was simply obsessed with her sister.
The relationship between Krische and Bery in particular was well known, and after the dragon incident, it was a common understanding among the soldiers that the two were more than just master and servant.
Many of the nobles saw it that way too, and it was a story known among the common people as well.
In addition a marshal and queen who would not take a husband.
In casual conversation, it\'s common to refer to the Christand household as a garden where men were not allowed.
Of course, getting excited about the queen, her vassal, or the Christand household could be seen as disrespectful and punishable, so it was not something that was spoken of openly, but that\'s just what casual conversation is.
When Anne was a servant in the royal domain, she had heard that many of her colleagues were excited about someone\'s love affairs, and she remembered being probed into this and that a few times when she interacted with them at work.
When she was in Roland or elsewhere, she had heard the slaves complaining and talking about such things when no one was around.
Secret stories that shouldn\'t be spoken of.
Was it because it was fun?
Was it just love stories that attracted people\'s attention?
The Black Flag Special Forces were no exception, and she had heard many stories about the Christand household, women at their favorite bars, and which members of the unit had hooked up with which woman.
Or perhaps that was just how entertainment is.
A common topic that everyone can understand――it was rare to find someone who had no interest in love or romance, and anyone could join in on such topics.
Sharing such stories fostered solidarity and empathy.
Nevertheless, it was desirable to refrain from such topics publicly.
Camping training in the forest――Mia, who happened to be passing by, heard the talk and thought to warn them, but the conversation quickly turned to Mia and her sister.
It seems there was a relatively new member of the team who had feelings for her sister, and someone had spoken words to stop him, which basically meant that ‘Kahlua and Mia are lovers’.
It was well known that the two were close, and it wasn\'t like there hadn’t been any talk about it before.
Apparently, she would often be teased face to face when she was with her sister, but it was usually her sister who would make fun of Mia and the other person, and they would end up laughing.
Apparently Mia also thought it was a kind of joke――but at the time it seemed to be serious, and when Mia thought back on her normal self, it made sense.
That was the trigger that made her strangely conscious of her sister.
"So...a-and then, you know, I felt kind of embarrassed to see her face... Well, umm, I wondered if I might really like her..."
"...I see."
Later, when they found time to talk at home, it seemed that was the gist of it.
She had heard the story about her sister and Mia a few times before――she had thought they were really best friends, and that it was just a common story, so she hadn\'t paid much attention to it.
Still, it was odd that Elvena, who couldn\'t even understand her own feelings, to think she understood what it was like to be liked by others.
Across the small table, Mia spoke awkwardly and hesitantly.
"...Of course, I lived together with Kalua because I liked her but... I thought, that\'s just being close friends, but..."
"You didn\'t realize it was a different kind of like, is it?"
"...Yes."
It\'s something that exists in everyone.
The kind of dozing Elvena felt.
Was the line drawn by reason and will?
Or was it something that was drawn even deeper?
In any case, Mia woke up and faced her inner self.
"...I wonder how one should distinguish between them?"
"...?"
"For example, wanting to kiss or be one, is that how it is?"
When Elvena said that, Mia cheeks flushed even more, and Elvena looked at her.
A lovely face. Beautiful eyes. Pure, serious, and hardworking.
For example, Elvena thinks she loves Mia too.
She wondered what kind of face Mia would make if she kissed her right now, and what kind of face she would make if she approached her.
Whenever she found someone beautiful and dear, it was the same.
Her sister, Mia, Krische, and Bery——many others too.
But when asked where to draw the line, she had no clear criteria, only general notions.
"Fufu, Mia-san, do you like, Krische-sama?"
"Um, well... no."
"Do you feel that it\'s different from the love you feel for Nee-san?"
Mia thought for a moment, then nodded, saying it was quite different.
"Is that the same as the way you feel for me?"
"...no."
"Then that\'s probably it."
Feeling that love is special, consciously recognizing it as such with a trivial cue—if that\'s the case, there should be no room for doubt.
Only envy seeps in her.
"...That\'s wonderful. Hehe, but it\'s too hasty to leave home."
"T-too hasty..."
"For example, even if Mia-san leaves, you will still meet at work almost daily. Do you intend to deal with it only temporarily?"
"That\'s... th-that..."
Elvena smiled as she saw Mia\'s shoulders shake.
"Why are you embarrassed in the first place? That you\'ve fallen in love with Nee-san? Or because you think your sincere feelings will be ridiculed? Think it over."
"......"
"Mia-san knows Nee-san isn\'t that kind of person, so you developed these feelings for her, didn\'t you?"
When she touched her cheek, her eyes widened slightly.
Then she quietly nodded.
"Nee-san is a splendid and wonderful person. Kind, cheerful, and strong...why should you be ashamed of falling in love with Nee-san? If you say that you are not worthy of Nee-san love, that is an insult to me."
"To Elvena...?"
"...Yes. I am confident that Nee-san will never make you regret having such feelings."
She told her with a smile, and Mia blushed and nodded again.
‘But...’ she sighed, eyes wandering.
"I know that Elvena is right, and that Kalua is really kind....But unlike you, I\'m normal. I\'m a clumsy country girl who can\'t even weave...I don\'t have a single trace of grace, unlike Kalua who can do it if she tries, I\'m not a good match for her..."
‘Kusu-kusu’, Elvena chuckled, remembering the people at the ‘mansion’.
"It\'s the same for everyone in the mansion... everyone has a lot to be proud of, but they say they’re still immature... as if having nothing. It\'s the same for you, Mia-san and Nee-san...only seeing value in the things you don\'t have."
‘I envy you, Mia-san.’
When I told her that, she looked a little surprised――and then a hint of doubt formed in her eyes.
"I know I\'m good looking, and I\'m pretty smart. I\'m pretty good at everything... to me that\'s normal, but objectively speaking, I\'m better than most people."
"... I think that\'s true."
"I think that\'s true."
"But I don\'t like myself very much... I only see my flaws and shortcomings."
‘What is normal?’, Elvena continued.
"Mia-san is also the adjutant of the Black Flag Special Forces――that Krische-sama entrusted you with the elite unit, and you are a trusted commander who even the soldiers entrust their lives to on the battlefield. Mia-san just doesn\'t realize how attractive she is, but there are many men who admire you."
"That\'s not true..."
"Fufu, something similar happened when I returned home. ...The Mia-san that Mia-san sees is different from the Mia-san I and others, Nee-san see."
She stood up and stood behind her.
She hugged her gently and smiled.
"The ordinary standards you have are special to others... At least I don\'t think that you\'re not worthy of Nee-san. ... After all, the reason Nee-san seems to have so much fun every day is because Mia-san is always by her side."
Her sister was naturally a cheerful person.
But she looked much happier now than when she was in the village.
Of course, there are many reasons for this――such as the troubles she didn\'t have to endure, her other companions, or the master to whom she swore loyalty.
But Elvena thought the biggest factor was Mia\'s presence.
She\'s decisive, caring, and cheerful.
Excellent people are either admired or the object of jealousy and hatred.
There were quite a few of these people when they were in the village, and she didn’t think her sister had any friends she could open up to.
The only younger sister she was close to was Elvena, and the other sisters seemed to dislike her, especially women her age or a little older.
Light creates shadow――facing superior people highlights one\'s inferiority.
She was sure everyone has these feelings to some extent.
To her sister, someone like Mia, who was an equal, must have been special.
"At least, I think you suit each other. Can\'t you trust me?"
Mia pauses for a moment, then replies that she was not confident.
"It\'s not that I doubt Elvena, but... I mean, I was worried that if I told Kahlua, she might find it annoying, or that she might distance herself from me... I never thought that Kalua would like me that way."
――It might just be a small thing.
Whether it was Mia or Elvena.
Whether it was Krische or Bery.
Everyone has their own worries, and these concerns are fundamentally similar in nature, with unstable boundaries.
"...But while you\'re worrying like that, time passes."
"...Eh?"
"Nee-san is an attractive person, after all. Just like what Mia-san said, there are probably quite a few people who have secret feelings for Nee-san.... When you finally made up your mind, someone might have confessed their feelings to Nee-san, and someone might already be by her side."
She held Mia from behind, without looking at her face.
She can\'t see her face, either.
"Whether it\'s tomorrow, the day after, or three years from now... In the end, the Mia who mustered up the courage to tell Nee-san her feelings is not a different person or anyone else, but the Mia who is troubled now."
Time flows even when you are inert, and time flows even when you are troubled.
No one can go back to the past.
"Mia-san already knows more than enough about Nee-san, and Nee-san already knows more than enough about Mia-san. ...You\'ve had enough time to get an answer."
Elvena didn\'t think her own troubles were meaningless.
It\'s because she was troubled that she could give Mia the push she needed.
Mia nodded quietly.
Savoring the touch and warmth, she slowly leaves.
"However, today is probably a good day to sort out your feelings... For now, I\'ll bring Nee-san to the mansion. ... In fact, I\'ve already received permission from Selene and the others."
"... Thank you."
Mia looked up and turned around to look at Elvena.
Then she sighed shyly.
"Haa...Even though I\'m the older sister, somehow Elvena is more mature... It\'s kind of pathetic, or what can I say... It\'s like I\'m the younger sister."
As if to cool the heat in her cheeks, she holds them in both hands.
Elvena laughed and shook her head.
"Fufu, I also love Mia like another older sister. But from now on, maybe it\'s right to call you Mia-neesan in both name and reality."
"Uh..."
Blushing, she glared at Elvena.
Elvena laughed at her face and took her teacup to the kitchen.
After finishing the cleanup, Elvena left the house.
‘What\'s wrong, Ojou-chan?’
‘Um... Um, I was looking for Nee-san, and I was supposed to be heading to a merchant place named Coolia...’
She must have been an easy target.
The town she visited for the first time was vast compared to the village, and the sun was setting as soon as she walked around.
If she had called out to a guard, she might have been taken to her sister.
However, she was worried that if the guards thought she was suspicious, it would be a big problem, so she avoided them and ended up on a less than pleasant street.
The man who called out to her had a kind smile on his face and asked her various questions.
When Elvena explained the situation, he was relieved to see that she was not of noble birth, and he smiled, saying that it was a big problem, but then repeated that she was safe.
Unable to see her sister, the sun was setting and Elvena was scared, so she clung to the man\'s words and let him take her――she stayed that way until she was sold.
Even among the many stories that come up, she thought she was a very foolish girl.
Most people who end up being sold end up in such a situation because of things beyond their control, such as their parents\' debts, or their village or carriage being attacked.
She was unfortunate in a way, but there were people who were much more unfortunate than Elvena, and even among them, there were those who were resolute and accepted their fate――beautiful people were beautiful, like untainted jewels, no matter the situation.
Looking at those people, Elvena\'s own foolishness as she continued to cry became more apparent, and after crying for about half a year, she gradually came to accept the situation.
There were people who had been brought to this place unreasonably, without any fault of their own, and yet were enduring it without shedding a tear, so she wondered why she was crying.
She had brought it on herself, running away without thinking, and was caught.
There were people who were in much more unfortunate circumstances than Elvena, and yet were still patiently enduring it.
She tried not to cry or lament in a shameful way.
By being conscious of this in this way, she began to see many things from an objective perspective.
For example, it wasn\'t particularly difficult to avoid being punished.
What type of customer was this, and what did they like?
All she had to do was become the person the other party wanted her to be, from their gaze, attitude, and words.
Anger, sadness, those kinds of emotions were unnecessary.
Getting angry would only get her punished, and lamenting wouldn\'t get me out of it.
Elvena was a commodity, not a human, so many emotions were unnecessary.
As long as she remained obedient, she would be fed properly and allowed to rest.
when she put her own emotions aside, she would gradually stop worrying about them.
It\'s like playing with dolls.
‘Elvena’ didn’t like it.
‘Elvena’ was scared.
‘Elvena’ was sad.
She had to look down on those emotions and move ‘Elvena’ skillfully――so as to put as little strain on her as possible.
The more I could detach myself from my emotions, the easier she would feel.
But sometimes she would lose track of who was she that was watching, and just stare blankly at ‘Elvena’ moving on its own.
At times like that, an indescribable sense of anxiety welled up inside her.
She didn\'t even know what was making her anxious.
When they whispered that they loved her, she whispered the same words back.
Such customers were usually good customers, and treated Elvena gently, much better than the rough customers.
Whether the words they spoke were true love, or simple lust, or both――’Elvena’ might have been able to tell, but watching from afar, Elvena couldn\'t quite tell the difference.
She invited customers who wanted to end it by just sleeping next to her.
When customers said they didn\'t want to be held like that, she whispered words of love and leaned in.
Because she didn\'t know what to call love, she lured them in.
She had learned how to give them what they wanted, so she did it of her own volition.
Love and lust were probably close to begin with.
In reality, there might have been a clear boundary between them.
But in probing its border repeatedly, they blurred and mixed, lost forever.
‘Krische thinks the most splendid job is to make someone happy, like Elvena is doing now. Krische is very happy.’
One day, the girl who came as a customer said this as if it was natural.
She had heard that she was a crazy, Cursed Child, but the girl was the complete opposite of what she had imagined.
Just by interacting with her for a little while, she could tell, the girl was too pure.
It could be that she was irritated by my innocent words, or that she wanted to confirm something.
Or was it simply because she liked the girl?
She didn\'t seem to dislike or resist, the girl just stared at her curiously.
When she kissed her, the girl tilted her head in confusion as well.
‘You shouldn\'t kiss someone just to tease them. You should kiss someone you really love.’
She couldn\'t help but laugh at her final words, thinking that they were true, and she couldn\'t help but find it funny.
It was indeed a correct argument.
It was really funny that the girl was so nonchalantly brandishing such sound reasoning and preaching to someone like Elvena――it really felt like it had been a long time since she had laughed.
Later, my sister described her lack of caution as being like a chicken dancing next to a pot.
‘That\'s why I couldn\'t just leave her alone’, her sister said.
It was true, and if I had continued while saying it was just a little massage, the girl might have just let her do what she wanted.
But even if that was the case, she felt that the girl would probably have said the same thing after it was over.
The love inside the girl was surely a clear one.
――It was so clear that she could tell even with her eyes closed.
"Wow, this is really a great place. The food is excellent, the bath is amazing, and the bed is fluffy. I feel like I\'m living the most luxurious life in the world..."
After dinner and a bath, in Elvena\'s room——on the bed.
When Elvena asked if her sister could stay over, the permission was immediate.
She was a little nervous, even though she knew how the girls normally were, it was the royal estate and the residence of the queen, but in the end they didn’t even ask why.
It is supposed to be the most noble residence in the kingdom, but they really didn\'t seem to care about formalities and manners, and even Selene, who was the strictest in such matters, naturally told Kahlua and Mia that they didn\'t need to be so careful.
She realized that their perceptions were fundamentally different.
Elvena saw them as her masters, but they had seen her as a member of the family for a long time and treated her as such.
Kreschenta prefaced it by saying that it would be trouble if they turned out like Argan, but that it was okay to be a little selfish sometimes without worrying about it.
‘Then tomorrow let’s make Kalua\'s favorite dish’, Krische said happily, Anne emphatically said, ‘Leave the housework to us’, and Bery smiled quietly.
Before she knew it.
Elvena, who had been dozing off, realized that she had acquired many things.
That must be one of the reasons.
"Fufu, enjoying this luxury every day... I feel a little sorry for Nee-sans."
"... Really. I\'m not one to criticize others, but Mia\'s cooking is terrible... She burns things so easily. I want to show her dinner when you aren\'t around."
"Mia-san is a little clumsy after all.”
"It’s not just a little."
She giggled and leaned in, and her sister embraced her gently.
She gently stroked Elvena\'s hair and kissed it.
"What about Mia?"
"...I guess it was just a misunderstanding. We can resolve it if we talk tomorrow."
"I see."
As she said this, she moved away a little and looked at her sister\'s face.
She reached out her left hand to stroke her cheek.
"What I realized anew is how adorable Mia-san is."
"...That\'s definitely true. Just like Usa-chan, she\'s silly and cute."
‘Looking at her makes me feel at ease’, her sister continued, narrowing her eyes.
"She\'s a good girl, and she\'s straightforward with her feelings. ...I think it\'s her stubbornness, almost to the point of being silly, that\'s important. Rather than worrying about whether it\'s right or wrong, once she\'s decided on something, she follows her own path."
"Nee-san is also quite similar, I think."
"I’m more calculating. If something seems impossible, I give up. ...In fact, I did give up."
Left shoulder――a distorted star shape engraved on Elvena. The mark of a slave trader.
She reached out and gently touched it.
"Usa-chan would keep searching forever, and Mia... well, she would probably die about five times along the way, but I think she\'ll never give up until the very end. She doesn\'t think about whether she can do it or what the possibilities are. Once she decides to do it, she sees it through."
‘An idiot’, her sister said, and Elvena shook her shoulders, saying, ‘right’.
"That must be what Usa-chan\'s favorite fortuitous meeting is. I didn\'t care about anything anymore, joined the army, and took care of the stupid Mia... and then, taking care of stupid Usa-chan, miraculously reunited with Elvena, and saved her. ...I\'m sure kids like that have some kind of power that we don\'t really understand."
‘I don\'t have one’, she said with a wry smile, stroking Elvena\'s painless shoulder as if she were touching an old wound.
"I don\'t believe in miracles or God or anything like that... but regardless of whether I believe in them or not, there are people who don\'t doubt their own wishes, and those people probably grant other people\'s wishes very easily."
Her long eyelashes narrowed and shone as if she was dreaming.
If she looked in the mirror, Elvena might have the same eyes.
"It was the same when I told her to live a healthy life in the countryside. Her childhood friend was a kind and good-looking guy, and the village was a great place. I was serious, but I couldn\'t beat that helpless, unathletic, wimpy swordsman.... Sometimes it\'s amazing."
Elvena felt like they had the same feelings.
"I can\'t be that stupid, and I don\'t want to be."
At this moment, she could be sure that they were both tracing the same outline.
“...We are sisters in that way, aren\'t we?"
When she told her with a smile, her older sister laughed too.
"fufu, I think I\'ll tell Mia that Elvena called her stupid."
"...That\'s mean, Nee-san."
She pinched the cheek she was stroking with her fingers, then rested her face on her chest.
Her eyes narrowed at the sensation and she pressed her cheek against it.
"...It\'s not that I don\'t want to be like that, I just think it\'s much happier to watch from the side and support her. Even if she doesn\'t realize it, that kind of life is hard."
She pretended to pout and kissed him, saying ‘even though Nee-san knew it’.
Her sister laughed, saying it tickled, and stroked his head roughly.
‘Shall we go to sleep?’ She asked, and she replied, ‘yes’.
She kissed Elvena\'s hair as it was.
After a while, her sister\'s breathing became gentle and gradually turned into sleeping breaths.
She savored the sensation, then raised her face and looked at her sleeping face.
Her narrow eyes were closed, and she could see her straight nose and somewhat sensual lips.
Her black hair seems to flow, and even though she was used to seeing it, what was beautiful was still beautiful.
“――――”
She whispered silently, and placed her lips against hers.
Just a touch, without seeking any meaning or value.
Words that went unheard, a kiss that went unnoticed.
That was fine, and she asked for nothing more.
As nothing changed.
But even so, Elvena was happy.