YM778.TV Chapter 126 - Like Being Cut With a Blunt Knife
Chapter 126 - Like Being Cut With a Blunt Knife
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
13. Like Being Cut With a Blunt Knife
Xie He stared at the wedding band on his finger. For a moment, it felt like his heart was being clenched by something. Why did he feel like he couldn’t breathe?
Ye Jinzhou looked at Xie He. He lowered his head and planted a soft kiss on Xie He’s lips. Ye Jinzhou shut his eyes tightly and hugged the person in his arms, as if he were a drowning man grasping for straws and he was the said straw. I’m sorry. I don’t dare to tell you the truth because I know that you would leave me.
“Let’s get married abroad and then go on our honeymoon, OK?” Ye Jinzhou’s voice was quiet and soft, “Before the accident, you always told me that you were too busy, that we should go out and have fun when you have the time. Right now, we have a lot of time.”
Xie He suppressed the strange emotion in his chest. When he remembered what he had heard today, he asked, “That woman told me that my company had filed for bankruptcy. What’s that about?”
Ye Jinzhou’s breath faltered. He did his best to stay calm and said, “Yes, Rongzhi Media was your company. Because of some things, the losses sustained by the company were too serious so you had no choice but to sell it.”
“Oh.” Xie He’s eyes dimmed. He couldn’t remember anything to do with the company but it was obvious that Lu Jianing had lied to him again.
Ye Jinzhou’s eyes flashed. “Do you want to go see the company?”
Xie He said, “OK.”
It would be obvious as to what was real and what was fake once he returned to the place where he had once worked. It was very easy for one person to deceive him. However, it was impossible to make everyone around him fool him.
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The next morning, Ye Jinzhou took Xie He to the office.
Actually, not only did Ye Jinzhou assign people to investigate Lin Ran, he had also arranged everything at the company. The company had very quickly gotten back on track once it had funds again. Aside from a change in upper management, the other employees hadn’t been replaced. The only person who knew that he had been secretly plotting against Xie He was Lin Ran. But Lin Ran had resigned after Xie He had left.
Right now, everyone here was considered his people. He had already secretly arranged for Steven, the new person in-charge, to receive Xie He.
When Steven saw Xie He, he smiled politely. “President Bai, I heard that you had an accident previously. I was very surprised and upset. It’s wonderful that you’ve come back.”
Xie He smiled. “I just came to take a look. I hope that it won’t trouble you.”
Steven laughed. “Of course not. Although you’re not here anymore, you are always welcome to come. Speaking of which, it hasn’t been long since I took over. There are some things on which I’d like to ask for your advice.”
Xie He said, embarrassed, “I’m afraid I can’t be of much help right now. I lost my memories.”
Steven shook his head, “That’s such a pity. I hope that you will be able to regain your memories soon.”
Xie He nodded. “Thank you. I wanted to come back and take a look around because I thought that being in familiar surroundings might help jog my memory.”
Steven seemed to approve of this. He then looked at Ye Jinzhou, who was standing off to the side. “Mr. Ye used to be your secretary. He’s very familiar with this place. He can take you around.”
Xie He said, “OK.”
Steven continued with his work. From beginning to end, he never shot Ye Jinzhou any special expression, as if the other really was just the secretary of the old CEO.
Xie He and Ye Jinzhou walked out of the office and encountered several employees on the way. All of them talked to Xie He with enthusiasm and concern, “President Bai, it’s really great that you’re fine! We were worried to death!”
Regardless of whether the other was male or female, they all treated Xie He with great cordiality. Several of the more sensitive female employees even cried. “We almost thought that you were dead.”
Xie He could see the care and gratitude in their eyes. None of this could be faked. Instantly, his heart filled with warmth. He’d come back for so long but he finally felt like he had re-integrated into this world. He comforted them and said, “I’m fine. Don’t cry.”
That female employee was still looking at him with tears in her eyes. Such a gentle male god, ai, how could he have gotten into an accident? It’s so great that he was able to come back safe and sound.
Xie took a walk around the company and received countless genuine inquiries of his health. By the time he left, night had already fallen.
He smiled at Ye Jinzhou. “I didn’t think that I had such good relationships with others.”
Ye Jinzhou looked at the smile in Xie He’s eyes that seemed to come from the bottom of his heart. His mood was also infected by the other’s cheerfulness. He looked at Xie He and said seriously, “It’s because you’re such a good person. No one can dislike you.”
Xie He laughed in spite of himself and shook his head. “It’s impossible to be liked by everyone in the world. There will always be someone who doesn’t like me or loathes me.”
Ye Jinzhou’s expression instantly grew stiff. He recalled his own ridiculous behavior in the past. That’s right, ah...he originally hadn’t liked Xie He. This was his worst mistake. He had even made a completely irredeemable transgression. He grabbed Xie He’s hand and earnestly said, “That’s because they don’t know you. They would like you once they’ve gotten to know you.”
Xie He raised an eyebrow and looked at Ye Jinzhou, thinking, What a good child. Who would even care about something like this? He smiled faintly. “I’ve never hoped to be liked by everyone I’ve met. Just let nature take its course. I’ll spend my time with the people who do like me and stay away from those that don’t. Isn’t it fine that way? There’s no need to insist on making those who don’t like me like me.”
Ye Jinzhou’s face paled.
Xie He thought that he felt unwell and asked, concerned, “Are you okay?”
Ye Jinzhou’s chest felt stuffy. He shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Xie He nodded and said with a smile, “Then that’s good. Let’s not talk about these senseless matters. At the very least, everyone I’ve met thus far has liked me. I also have you with me. I feel really fortunate.”
Ye Jinzhou looked away. The pain in his heart suddenly bubbled up at an alarming rate.
This person was obviously smiling at him gently, but Ye Jinzhou knew...that he only had this temporary warmth because he was using a despicable deception on the other. If Xie He knew the truth, he would no longer smile at him again.
He recalled how Xie He had also remarked that meeting Ye Jinzhou had been his fortune back then.... But what you didn’t know was that later on, you would think that meeting me was the most regretful event in your life.
“Let’s go back, ba.” Ye Jinzhou’s voice was slightly hoarse. He could not cover up the suffering in his eyes.
Xie He could feel that he wasn’t in a good mood. However, since Ye Jinzhou didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t ask. He changed the subject and said with a smile, “Right, I didn’t think that you used to be my secretary. I...actually did such a thing. Haha.”
Ye Jinzhou’s lips moved and he flashed a stiff smile. “Yes, ah.”
....................................
The two of them returned home. When Xie He exited the elevator, he was startled but he quickly regained his calm. He said to the man at the door, “You’ve come.”
Lu Jianing’s eyes were fixed on Xie He. He said, “I’ve been looking for you for a long time. Later on, I thought about whether you would have come back here. So I came to try my luck.”
Xie He recalled how this person had told him countless loving words but hid the most important truth from him. His tone involuntarily chilled. “Are you really surprised? You didn’t want me to come back here, right?”
There was pain in Lu Jianing’s eyes. “I didn’t know that my parents came looking for you. They have long since stopped being able to interfere with my life. Don’t listen to them.”
Xie He said, “Why did you lie to me?”
Lu Jianing continued, “Zhang Qian, I’ve warned that girl before. Actually, we’ve never been in a relationship. I will never marry her.”
Xie He looked at Lu Jianing and suddenly sighed. He asked again, “Why did you lie to me?”
Lu Jianing clenched his fists tightly. He could no longer continue deceiving himself. Xie He didn’t care about those people. He didn’t need an explanation for them. From beginning to end, what Xie He cared about...was why he had lied to him.
And this was the only thing he could not explain.
A long time later, Lu Jianing said quietly, “I was afraid that you would leave me. I wanted you to stay by my side.”
When Xie He heard this, he suddenly laughed. “You finally said it.”
Lu Jianing’s voice was laced with pain. “Xiao Mu....”
Xie He’s eyes were bright and his tone was clear. He said, “Because of your fear and lack of confidence, you thought to selfishly steal from me my life and my past—to make me dependent on you and only you. I can’t accept a love like this.”
Lu Jianing’s face became deathly pale.
“I think that the reason we broke up in the past was because your love has always been too selfish. Meanwhile, what I wanted was a relationship where we would understand each other and rely on each other, mutually helping each other.” Xie He looked at Lu Jianing dully and sighed quietly. “Leave, ba. We broke up ten years ago.”
When Lu Jianing heard Xie He speak calmly like this, he suddenly felt like he had been transported many years into the past.
Bai Mu had also spoken to him calmly before he had broken up with him: Jianing, can’t you think from my point of view a bit?
At that time, he didn’t understand what he had meant. He had only lost his patience. He thought that he was already being really considerate of Bai Mu, that he had already accommodated the other a lot. Why was Bai Mu still dissatisfied? Later on, after thinking about it over many years, after growing older...when he put himself in Bai Mu’s shoes, he finally understood that he hadn’t really cared about the other. He had been doing what he thought was right without ever having considered how the other would feel. He had been so immature.
This time, he thought that he had already learned from his mistakes, but he had unexpectedly made the same mistake.
He offered all of his love to this person, but he had never thought about whether he had wanted it.... Because of fear, he had taken step after step in the wrong direction.
Lu Jianing gazed deeply into the eyes of the person before him. He loved this person so much but didn’t know how to love someone back then. By the time he learned, he was too focused on his own interests. Because he was afraid that this person didn’t need his love, he had forced it onto the other.
“Xiao Mu,” Lu Jianing slowly said, “You have my number. If you ever need to contact me, you can call me at any time. We will always be friends.”
I will always love you, even if you no longer need my love.
This time, the right to decide is left in your hands.
You just need to know that no matter when or where, I will always be waiting for you in the same place, my love for you just the same as it was in the past.
【Ding, Lu Jianing’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 100.】
After saying this, Lu Jianing gave Xie He one more yearning look and then walked around him. He didn’t even glance at Ye Jinzhou, who was standing behind Xie He. Jealousy, selfishness, anger—sometimes, even while he knew it was wrong, it was impossible to control these emotions.... However, he would no longer allow himself to be controlled by these negative emotions.
That would only push the person he loved further and further away.
Xie He watched Lu Jianing leave. The elevator door shut and a sliver of sadness appeared in his eyes. After a moment, he once again bestirred himself and smiled. He said to Ye Jinzhou, “Let’s go home.”
Ye Jinzhou had stood there silently the whole time, like a background piece with no presence. When he heard the conversation between Xie He and Lu Jianing, he held his breath, his whole body feeling ice-cold.
Every word Xie He had uttered to Lu Jianing was like a strike against his own heart.
He stared at Xie He’s figure as it entered their home. That slender body looked like it would slowly disappear from his world.... He suddenly rushed forward and hugged Xie He tightly, voice trembling, “You won’t leave me, right?”
Being held tightly by Ye Jinzhou, Xie He helplessly said, “It’s not like you lied to me.”
Ye Jinzhou’s arms slowly tightened. I lied to you. I’ve lied to you even more than he has.... I know that it’s not right, I know that you’ll be mad...I know that once these lies are exposed, there will be no hope of salvaging the situation...but I can’t stop. It’s like I’ve drunk poison in hopes of quenching my thirst...because if I didn’t do this, I knew that I would have no choice of coming close to you ever again.
“Let’s go on vacation, okay?” Ye Jinzhou’s voice was bitter. He slowly said, “I think that we should go travelling. It should be beneficial in helping you regain your memories.”
Xie He hesitated. “But I don’t want to leave for the time being. I want to learn more about my past.”
Ye Jinzhou said, “Please? If you don’t agree, I won’t let go of you.”
Xie He couldn’t do anything about him. What a rascal. He couldn’t help but make his tone a bit more strict, “Let go of me and we’ll negotiate.”
Ye Jinzhou was worried that Xie He was really angry so he could only reluctantly let go.
He knew that Lin Ran would soon catch news of this, so he wanted to take Xie He away as soon as possible. No matter what, he absolutely could not let Lin Ran meet with Xie He. Ye Jinzhou lowered his eyes to cover up the cold glint in them.
“I’m sorry, don’t be angry, okay? I was wrong.” Ye Jinzhou paused and then looked up, currying favor, “I’ll go cook for us.”
Xie He sighed again. How could he stay angry if the other was like this? He could only drop the matter.
Ye Jinzhou saw Xie He smile and finally went to the kitchen, feeling relieved. Shortly after, he carried out the dishes he had cooked. He looked at Xie He cautiously, “You used to like eating this. Give it a try.”
Xie He tried it. It tasted pretty good. He smiled encouragingly. “Very good.”
Ye Jinzhou paused and then smiled. There was deep love held within his eyes. “Then that’s good. I was worried that your tastes would change after losing your memories.”
A while later, he lowered his voice and laughed softly, “That’s really great....”
Xie He casually replied, “What’s really great?”
Ye Jinzhou said, “That you can sit here with me for our meals. Before...I always sat here alone, facing an empty set of bowl and chopsticks.”
Ye Jinzhou said this in a very calm tone but Xie He’s actions paused. He swallowed...and a sadness welled up in his chest. He looked up at Ye Jinzhou. “You won’t have to anymore. I’m back.”
Ye Jinzhou looked at Xie He, a faint but gentle smile appearing in his eyes. He said, “Yes. You’re back. That’s really great.”
After having dinner, they watched TV and chatted for a while. Xie He was preparing to go to bed and Ye Jinzhou was following after him. Xie He recalled the craziness of last night and spoke to Ye Jinzhou with a wooden expression, “You sleep in the guest room, ba.”
“Oh.” Ye Jinzhou’s head drooped and he left without a word.
Xie He sighed in relief and entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
【444：...Yi?】
【Xie He：What’s up, Baby?】
【444：N-nothing....】He was just surprised that Host dada actually shut Ye Jinzhou out! _(:зゝ∠)_
【Xie He：Baby, sometimes, there are many ways to achieve one’s goals. You don’t necessarily have to be direct. Instead, you must believe that our ZhouZhou will not disappoint. Smile.JPG】
【444：......】
【Xie He：What I like is our ZhouZhou’s firm and indomitable persevering spirit. 】
【444：......】
....................................
Xie He slept well that night. The next morning, he came out feeling rejuvenated, only to discover that Ye Jinzhou had slept on the sofa all night. It was obvious that the other didn’t sleep well. His complexion was terrible and he was sneezing.
Xie He furrowed his brows. “Why did you sleep on the couch?”
Ye Jinzhou didn’t speak. After a while, he looked up at Xie He with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to sleep in the guest room.”
Xie He asked, “Why?”
Ye Jinzhou asked, “You don’t want me anymore?”
Xie He felt helpless. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just that right now I’m not really familiar with you. I need time.”
Ye Jinzhou immediately smiled. “No problem. I can wait.”
Xie He smiled. He thought that the other had been convinced.
But when he got up the next day, he saw that Ye Jinzhou had slept on the sofa again. He was obstinate about not sleeping in the guest room. Several days passed like this. Xie He’s persuasion was of no use. Ye Jinzhou believed that the guest room was for outsiders. He was like a stubborn child. If he wasn’t allowed in the master bedroom, he would sleep on the sofa.
It was fine to sleep on the sofa once in a while, but after sleeping on it for a long time, the tall and strong man began to look a bit dispirited. Of course, Xie He thought that Ye Jinzhou might be purposely acting pitiful, but his heart still softened in the end. One night, he finally said, “Come in. But you can’t mess around.”
Ye Jinzhou looked like he was overjoyed. He nodded in haste and nearly raised his hand as if making a vow. “I promise that I won’t do anything if you don’t want to!”
Xie He thus helplessly allowed Ye Jinzhou into the room.
Ye Jinzhou indeed acted very well-behaved and obedient.
Xie He fell asleep but he woke up in the middle of the night because his face suddenly felt itchy. A while later, he opened his blurry eyes and discovered that Ye Jinzhou was kissing him. The other planted light kisses on his eyes, his lips, his neck, his throat....
Xie He glared at him, half-asleep. He swatted the other away and Ye Jinzhou did stop. But after a while, Xie He woke up again. This time, he saw that Ye Jinzhou had buried his head into his lower half....
Shortly after, desire stirred up inside of him.
Moments later, Ye Jinzhou raised his head up and licked his lips. He smiled and said, “Go back to sleep, ba.”
Sleep? What sleep? Xie He raised a brow and grabbed Ye Jinzhou by the back of the head, blocking the other’s lips. The two of them very quickly entangled together on the sheets.
....................................
Ye Jinzhou really did his best in bed. Xie He was also a regular man with needs. If he couldn’t stop it, he might as well let the other do what he wanted.
It was just that, because of this, the two of them who were originally a bit unfamiliar quickly became intimate. Their interactions became increasingly natural.
One night, Ye Jinzhou watched Xie He sleep. He gazed at the other’s sleeping face. A moment ago, he had hugged the other with force. He softly caressed the outline of Xie He’s face with the pads of his fingers and kissed the other’s lips tenderly....It was only at moments like this that he didn’t have to hide the fear and pain in his eyes.
Although we’re together right now, although I have you in my arms now, I’m still as afraid as ever. This fear has not diminished as time’s gone on. Instead, it’s only grown. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice.
Everything is beautiful like a dream. I don’t know when it will all burst.
【Ding, the target Ye Jinzhou’s Favourability Value +3. The current Favourability Value is 95.】
....................................
When Xie He woke up that morning, he found Ye Jinzhou cooking in the kitchen. As of late, Ye Jinzhou had always cared for him meticulously.
He walked over and hugged Ye Jinzhou from behind, kissing the other briefly. He said with a smile, “Didn’t you say that you wanted to go travelling before? Where do you want to go?”
Ye Jinzhou’s heart jumped. He asked, apprehensively, “You’re willing to go?”
Ye Jinzhou had his subordinates keep a tight watch on Lin Ran these past few days, not giving the other a chance to get near them. However, this didn’t make him feel assured. He was perpetually immersed in fear and worry.
Xie He smiled. “Mn.”
He then turned and walked out.
【444：Host dada, what are you doing, ah?! ( ⊙ o ⊙ )】
【Xie He：Enjoying life. Smile.JPG】
【444：......】
【Xie He：It’s about time to make things a bit more fun for ZhouZhou. A love without any ripples is like a pool of stagnant water—too boring.】
【444：Yi, I had thought that you planned on continuing on with him like this. _(:зゝ∠)_】
【Xie He：Baby, do you know what can cause the greatest despair in the world?】
【444：What?】
【Xie He：The greatest despair isn’t brought upon by the absence of hope. It’s when you have a sliver of hope of being able to remedy the situation. It’s when you’re living in a lie and doing your best, only to personally witness everything fall to pieces, as if a bubble has been popped.】
【Xie He：If you’ve never tasted how beautiful it can be, how will you know how painful it is to lose it? I’ll be able to leave a deeper impression this way.】
【444：......】
【Xie He：I, Daddy, am the top expert in teaching bear children. 】
【444：......】
Ye Jinzhou carried over their breakfasts after a while. He sat there, starting at Xie He eating.
Xie He felt a bit uncomfortable, being looked at like this. He glanced at the other helplessly. “Am I that good-looking?”
Ye Jinzhou suddenly lowered his head and licked the rice by his lips. His voice was low and husky, “I can’t get enough of you no matter how much I look.”
That’s right. Even if this person lost his memory, he was still the person he loved—his appearance was still the one he had fallen for. He hadn’t changed a bit.... Every second they spent together reminded him of just how beautiful the time they spent together had been and of how precious the feelings he had lost had been.
He loved the other so much. If he could maintain this charade, he was willing to pay anything.
“I love you,” Ye Jinzhou said. None of the emotions in his eyes were faked. His gaze was scorching and full of strong attachment. He said, “We will be together forever.”
Xie He was already used to Ye Jinzhou confessing to him from time to time. He thought that the other was just feeling insecure. He smiled and said, “Don’t overthink things. Even if I regained my memories, I’ll still want you.”
A bitter smile appeared on Ye Jinzhou’s lips. If you regained your memories, you wouldn’t want me.
Since Xie He had agreed for once, Ye Jinzhou didn’t want to drag things out, which would increase the likelihood that an issue would pop up. He immediately had people purchase their tickets. They didn’t pack much. In any case, they could just buy the things they needed when they arrived.
Xie He looked at Ye Jinzhou’s exuberant and anxious appearance. He didn’t stop him and just let him do as he pleased.
That night, Ye Jinzhou and Xie He went to the airport together.
Because they had made the decision so promptly, no one knew of this. However, Ye Jinzhou was still rather concerned. On the entire journey, he felt ill at ease. He couldn’t wait to take Xie He out of this city. Only after they finished checking in and arrived at the boarding area did Ye Jinzhou finally relax.
The two of them sat on the chairs. Ye Jinzhou turned to smile at Xie He. “I want to take you to the city I used to live in. I told you before that I used to live abroad.”
Xie He went ‘mn’ and smiled with a gentle expression. “Ok.”
Ye Jinzhou stared at Xie He’s good-looking features and felt his heart race. They were about to leave here and go to an unfamiliar land to start anew....
Xie He saw Ye Jinzhou start to stare at him again and couldn’t help but cough softly, hinting at the other to restrain himself since they were outside. Right at that moment, he heard someone call his name. “Bai Mu!”
Xie He turned his head back at once and saw a man wearing golden-rimmed glasses run towards him with a strict expression!
When Ye Jinzhou heard this familiar voice, he also turned to look at the same time. Immediately, his expression changed. Why was Lin Ran here?!
Eve: Oh, things are going to go DOWN.
sere: oh, things really are about to go DOWNNNNNN
Important rant about consent: Just a little note because I’ve been seeing a bit of discussion over this regarding YJZ’s actions last chapter. In terms of fandom and BL culture, there is a difference drawn between non-con and dub-con. It is indeed left to your own discretion as to what you label what. But in real life, it doesn’t matter. If proper consent (and by that I mean the consent is given enthusiastically, while sober, reversible—the person has the option of revoking consent—uncoerced, and specific to the act (saying yes to one thing doesn’t mean yes to different things down the line)) isn’t given, that’s rape. It doesn’t matter who the other party is. Most sexual assaults are perpetrated by people close to the victim, including romantic/sexual partners. So there’s no need to argue over this. If someone calls it “rape/non-con,” they are not wrong. Not everyone will have a distinction between dub/non-con. Some people will be more affected by this and that’s okay. This is not to target anyone but I wanted to mention this because it makes me uncomfortable seeing comments that could be interpreted as downplaying the gravity of sexual assault, even if I know you guys don’t mean it like that. I am aware that for many of you, you do distinguish between reality and fiction, so you don’t mean any harm. But I do ask that we refrain from making any statements that could be interpreted in another way. Despite my love of this novel, I have very strong opinions on how wrong a lot of the content is, fiction or not.
This novel is a work of fiction. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. But it is also important to keep in mind just how serious these issues are.