YM778.TV Chapter 366: Fear
«I\'ll cook something for you,» she said, but she didn\'t get up.
She stayed there, sitting next to Nate and caressing his cheek. She collected all her courage and bowed forward. When she was close enough, she pressed her lips onto his. It was a good-morning kiss. A sweet and slow one, without any intention of being passionate.
Not at the beginning.
Nate accepted her cares, letting her do pretty much what she wanted. He had no intention of pushing her away, of course.
However, when her tongue slipped into his mouth and her fingers grabbed his neck, he realised something was weird. It was the wrong moment for that type of kiss - not that he minded. However, what if the pups walked in and found them like that, with their mother forcing herself on their father? They would start hating Nate again after so much struggle and effort to make them accept him.
«Lara,» he said, splitting for her just the moment to talk. «Hey...» Enjoy more content from m-v l\'e|-NovelBin.net
She opened her eyes and observed his expression, bit by bit regaining her rationality. She looked down at her nervous fingers and wondered. What was happening to her?
Sure, seeing Nate take care of their kids was a huge turn on. But... So much that she couldn\'t control herself?
«Hey,» he said, wrapping her in his arms. «Don\'t act like this. Don\'t be so sad. I\'m not rejecting you, Lara. I\'m just concerned.»
She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder. He had always been like that: careful and worrying. But what was wrong with a simple kiss? Other than that, she didn\'t know what pushed her to act like that, to lose control.
She bit her lower lip again, but, this time, not because she felt warm at a scene. She was worried, too, all of a sudden. And her lungs skipped a few breaths.
«Lara,» Nate called, rubbing her back.
He knew what was happening. She was having a panic attack; again. Or something similar... He hated seeing her suffer like that, especially after she made such a big step like kissing him out of her will or acting as a girlfriend would.
He hated when she had to pay such a huge price to get closer to him.
«Lara... Breathe slowly. I am here, and I always will be.»
She nodded against his chest and closed her eyes, cuddling in his warmth. Nate didn\'t seem to mind her proactivity. It meant it wasn\'t wrong, didn\'t it?
But... What if he was just pretending not to mind after seeing her scared face? She must have looked like a deer blinded by the lights of a car.
«Breathe,» he said.
And she did. She followed his instructions and calmed down, and Nate didn\'t let go until he was completely sure her bad moment was over. It was the second time it had happened in a short time, and he was starting to think she had similar episodes before when he wasn\'t around to witness.
«Don\'t take me wrong,» he said, and he regretted the choice of words when he saw her straight, tensed back and trembling shoulders.
Her lower lip was pressed against the upper, white like a sheet. She was trying to hold some control, but Nate\'s words seemed to have the opposite effect than desired.
«Hey, Lara,» he called. her. «It\'s okay. I\'m here with you, and I will protect you with all I\'ve got. But I\'m worried about you.»
She nodded, lowering her eyes.
«I don\'t mean anything is wrong with you, but I\'m concerned. Why do you have a panic attack after... after being with me? Do you actually fear me? Am I scary to you? You don\'t have to force yourself to act like this if you don\'t like it.
Just do what you like, okay?»
«Yo-you are not scary,» she stuttered.
He wasn\'t the problem. It was all in her... But she didn\'t know what it was. She didn\'t know where to start looking for a solution.
Even if she decided not to expect anything and live the moment, her heart would always feel that dread. It wasn\'t simply fear of being abandoned, not anymore. She had survived alone for years: what could be worse than that? She knew she could live on without Nate just as she had done before.
But then, why that reaction?
Moreover, she had offended Nate. Now he thought she was afraid of him, but there wasn\'t any more untrue statement.
«It\'s not you,» she said.
«I\'m such an idiot,» he realised. «Telling you not to force yourself while hugging you like this. It must be worse, right?»
He let her go, and the contact with the air in the room made her shiver. It wasn\'t that cold but, to her and at that moment, it felt like ice.
«Nate...» she called him, pulling his sleeve.
She wanted the hug back. Why had he let go of her at the first chance?
If she was a little more like Scarlet, she would have crawled onto the bed and pressed herself on him until he accepted to cuddle a little more. But she wasn\'t: first of all, she was an adult. She couldn\'t force her presence on him.
«I am not scared of you,» she said. «On the contrary: I feel so safe. I don\'t know what\'s going on with me, but it\'s definitely not your fault. I will solve it, okay? Just give me more time.»
He shook his head.
«I shouldn\'t give you time, Lara. It\'s something you have to do because of you, not because of me. But I\'ll be here for you if you need it. We can find a way together... Or look for help.»
That said, he closed his mouth. It was a tricky question, and most people wouldn\'t like to share their concerns. However, he couldn\'t allow shyness or futile shame to stop Lara from being happy.
However, he couldn\'t force her to accept his help either.